I know that I haven’t blogged in months, so here is a very real, honest, eye opening blog about what has been going on in my life/head these days. I am now 21 days away from due date, and I promise I am very, very excited about meeting Bentley Grace for the first time. I have wondered who she will look like. Danson says she is going to look just like him… so we will soon find out. I have been so emotional the past two weeks. I told Danson I feel like there is an alien in my body and that I have no control over my emotions. Welcome to pregnancy, I guess. I’m sure Danson is so ready for me to have this baby too. I can’t tell you how many times in the past two weeks he has walked into a room only to find me sitting there with tears rolling down my cheeks for no reason. When he asks what’s wrong, all I can say is I don’t know.

            On top of the emotional roller coaster I am on right now, I also feel like the most insecure person in the world. Now, I have never been insecure before so this is all new to me. I have never put too much thought into my appearance before. Don’t get me wrong, I do like to look presentable, but I have never been one to spend 2 hours getting ready or a person who steps on the scale every morning. It is hard not to focus on your weight when you get weighed every week or two at the doctor. I tell Danson all the time that I am the size of a billboard. So, if you have any marketing to do just make me a shirt to wear, I promise you can’t miss me these days. I think one issue that I have is not knowing if, or how hard it is going to be to lose the weight once the baby comes. I also can’t tell you the last time I went to church and didn’t have at least two people comment on my weight or size… mostly older men. What makes an old man think he has the right to comment on a pregnant woman’s size is beyond me. Do they really think it is funny to me? Do they hear me talking about how pruney (sp?) they look or how their belly is just as big as mine, or the fact that they have no hair? I did tell one of the greeters the other day how I felt about it. As I am walking in the door, that he holding open for me, he says, “oh, let me back up so have enough room to get in.” I just looked at him and said, just wait until you are in the nursing home. I will not be organizing any trips to come see you. Luckily he thought I was joking, even though I really wasn’t.

            I will wrap things up by saying that I can’t wait until I feel normal again. I can’t wait until getting out of bed doesn’t take three minutes and I’m not getting up four times a night to pee. I can’t wait to be able to walk and not waddle and every piece of food I put in my mouth doesn’t give me heartburn. I can’t wait to be able to take this fat suit off. But, most all, I can’t wait to look Bentley Grace in the eye and tell her how much I love her and that I would have stayed pregnant for 9 more months if that’s what it took to have her as my precious daughter.

*** Nursery blog and pictures are coming soon. J